I've always been ashamed of crying. Not because it makes me look weak, because honestly, I know that I am weak, but it makes me feel weak. I hate the feeling that I messed up, or missed out and I want to make sure no one feels sorry for me. It's really a point of not wanting to forgive myself. It's as if I'm not worthy of forgiving myself, and therefore I won't allow myself to cry.

There are times that I can't control it... like after a while the pain, heart ache, sadness, or anger burns so deeply that I simply have no control over my sobs... they are litteraly uncontrolable. Well over the past week or so, I've been kicking myself... angry at myself about something I'm still not ready to talk about... still not ready to talk about my feelings.

So naturally, I went to church and danced... I don't think I've ever jumped so high in my life. Unless I was scared, but who measures how high they jump when their scared. I came home just a little while ago and started googling stuff and came across this interesting story with following facts....

True Story… (by Unknown)

My boss glanced at the space on my shirt where I had failed to replace a fallen button. Appearance was just another casualty of my broken heart. I tried to redirect his attention with questions about the upcoming sales meeting, but then it happened. Without forewarning, the waterworks began. That’s right - I was at work, in my boss’ office when I started bawling like a little girl.

I extended my left arm awkwardly for some tissue and happened to knock over a pile of documents tagged with a post-it that literally read: “Important Docs”. The tears fell harder. I finally ended up on one knee trying to scrape the papers off the ground along with what little was left of my dignity.

I looked up thru the tears and squeaked, “I’m so sorry. I’ll pull it together.”

Not breaking his look of awe through the entire scene, I truly expected he would fire me. Instead, my boss offered one of the most critical lessons I have learned on the road to recovery. He said, “Do me a favor, Amelie - don’t pull it together. In fact, go ahead and blubber it all out.”

So, I say to all of you - Blubber it all out!

Do not apologize for your tears and do not be afraid of your tears as they are protecting you and releasing your pain.  Unfortunately, there is a social stigma associated with crying that makes it difficult to tear up without fearing up. Internal conflict about the actual act of crying hinders the release process. So, forget why you think you shouldn’t cry and just let it flow freely. I don’t really recommend the office breakdown, but when you are at home or in the comfort of friends and family, just cry. Or if you do happen to be in public, find a private space and let it out. Feel the pain. Feel better.

Still need some convincing?

Here are 7 benefits of Crying after a Heartbreak:

1)    Sad tears are totally different than Stuff-stuck-in-your-eye tears: As far back as 1957, it was revealed that tears caused by emotion are chemically different than tears caused an eye irritant. In fact, the components of tears are far more complex than we would imagine. One psychological study had some volunteers watch a sad movie and later cut onions while collecting their tears during both activities. They found that the chemical make-up of the two sets of tears were vastly different. Sad tears include stress hormones and various toxins!

2)    Release the toxins: Research indicates that there is a significant increase in the type and number of stress hormones produced in our bodies prior to crying. If you don’t actually cry, these toxins remain in you body. Biomedical studies explain that stress hormones negatively affect almost every system in the body including the cardiovascular, gi, musculoskeletal, and immune systems. It’s pretty evident that crying the primary method for the body to eliminate these harmful stress hormones and protect you adverse effects. So do it!

3)    Mood Benefits: After analyzing over 3,000 reports of crying episodes, Jonathan Rotttenberg, USF Assistant professor of psychology, reports in a paper in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology that “the majority of participants reported mood benefits after crying.”  Most of us know this to be true: you feel better after a good cry!

4)    Calming effects: Crying has calming effects such as the slowing of breath. It has been shown that during the cry, you may experience increased heart rate and sweating; however, the calming effects usually last longer than any unpleasant arousal. You’ll feel this calm after you cry which accounts for why people usually remember the pleasant side of crying.

5)    Other good stuff: Emotional tears open up the lungs, exercise the eyes, and soften the temper. The release you feel is one of the mind, body, and soul.

6)    Because Shakespeare said it helps: “To weep is to make less the depth of grief.”

7)    You’ll look better! Alan Wolfelt, University of Colorado Medical School professor, works primarily with people who are mourning the passing of a loved one. Dr. Wolfelt states, “In my clinical experience with 1000s of mourners, I observe changes in physical appearance after the expression of tears. Not only do people feel better after crying, but they also look better.”

Look out for a follow up article on The Best way to Cry. Let us know what you think by commenting below. Peace & Love, Amelie & Al.

recently, due to so many of my friends getting married this year, I began to think of my wedding. How I'll never have a dad to walk me down the isle, how my mother and father won't light a candle for me, so my future husband and I can light a unity candle. My parents won't pray for us in front of a group of people, and I won't have a daddy daughter dance, and my maid of honor won't be my best friend. I've just gotten over thinking that there couldn't be a man in the world for me, (yeah, I really believed I would never be found by my future husband), and I've come to realize how all those things that didn't bother me growing up, are effecting me now.

I also know that I'm going to wail the entire night before, and the entire day of the wedding... simply because that's me... not because of sadness but because of joy.

The reception is going to be a party, with dancing, friends and family. Lots of food, plenty of fun, maybe some random dramatic skits or dance performances... lol.

And now to the point::

And I use to think that if I were to think about stuff like this, that it would be bad, and that I wouldn't show God that I'm greatful for being single now. But it is hope that keeps us going. It is hope in Christ that I believe that all things will come out for good, for those who love Him and are called for His purpose. And it is by trusting the LORD with EACH step... no matter how hard it is to restrain myself from rushing, that I will be in His perfect will. I've been thinking alot about this stuff lately and this morning a song played as we closed out, which took my breath away because it was exactly my prayer in musical form:: here are the lyrics..

WAIT FOR YOU

DAVIS, HOLLAND

Copyright: 2002 CALVARY CHAPEL MUSIC 
Year: 2002 
Key: G 
            

       G     D      Em        C
I will wait, I will wait for you
       G     D      Em        C
I will wait, I will wait for you
G                D
When my heart is troubled
Em                    C
And when my bones are aching
       G D          Em       C
I will wait, I will wait for you

                    Em
It's all that I can do
C              G  D/F#
All that I can do
                    Em
It's all that I can do
          C         G         D
Is to wait for you, wait for you

          G    D     Em   C
I hope in you, I hope in you
          G D        Em   C
I hope in you, I hope in you
   G                 D
And when my heart is breaking
Em                     C
Faithful and true are you
       G  D             Em   C
I will hope, I will hope in you